What is love?
by Laelia17
Summary: Baby don't hurt me...don't hurt me...NO MORE.
1. OPENING

There was a man. He was DESU BITCH ASS South Italy. Everyday, he woke up and brushed his teeth with Spain's cum. He spent his nights either lonely, his face buried in Yaoi fanfiction, or sucking someone's churro. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, LE HONHONHO.

There was also this other guy, who was that first guyz fratello. Which means brother, in case you didn't know. Now this guy….holy fuck, he was scary. All the other country representatives feared him. His mind was messed up, cause he was MOTHER FUCKING North Italy. He possessed POWERZ. He could shoot lasers from his eyes and lightning bolt from his fingertips, just like the god Jupiter. The ladies swooned after him, but they are unimportant cause I am a YAAOOOIIITTARRRDD.

There was this young boy. He was adorable as shit. He flailed his arms and acted all cute for everyone who gazed upon his fluffy brown hair, in which 2 haircurls stuck out. He prayed dress up in a grand red cape with a skirt, cause skirts are manly. Pants were for barbarians! Like that potatoe bastard.

THIS ADORABLE ASS LITTLE BOY HAD A SECRET. He was the Mpreg child of DESU BITCH ASS South Italy and MOTHER FUCKING North Italy. He was the embodiment of Rome, reborn in their incest love child. But nobody should know that, cause It was a love child.

Sure, the countries around them suspected things. Like France. He sneaked around the Italians, cause he is just a creeper like that. Germany wondered why North Italy didn't hang out with him. He spend most of his day, holled up in his room, crying, because of the loss of the contact with that amazing MOTHERFUCKER. Spain did the same thing, though somehow he kept getting his cum in the toothpaste. Not to mention that Spain and Germany had crushes on the Italian brothers, and got off every night to the thought of them.

Anyway, the Italy brothers were in their bedroom one night. They couldn't sleep alone, even though they had different houses and didn't see each other much during the days. But Italy was so hornery, that he had to fuck his older brother. And then they had gay, spectacular yaoiz.

And after that, they did a new position and had some more mind blowing smut.

Little did they know that there big brother France was watching them the whole time from a tree. He had his binoculars in his hand, eyes widening as he saw the whole damn thing. He started touching himself, then, he fell out of the tree and landed in a bush of roses cause he was masterbating so hard. Shit.

But he was a country, so of course he was fine. The next day, he kept a pokerface. And made plans to go back to their place the next night so he could videotape the incest and keep it all to himself to masterbate to. But then, the night after that, he decided to bring Prussia and Spain to the tree with him. And then, they did the creep.

Prussia walked into Germany's house in the early morning. "WWEEEEESSSTTT!" He shouted out. "Hey! Lookie what we have here!" He called out. Of course, He found the German doing paperwork, cause Germany is the funest country evar.

"WAS. " He German looked up at him, frowning. "Go avay. I un doing verk." He grumbled.

"But weeesssttt!" Prussia moaned and whined, tugging on Ludwig's sleeve. "The bad touch tree-oh caught something on tapppee!" He giggled like your mom.

"okay." The German was going to give into his derpy older brother, and indulge him this one time. Though he did almost every time. "was is this video showing."

"Awesome shit. The most, like, awesomeest shit evar. " He wiggled his eyebrows.  
>"It was DESU BITCH ASS South Italy getting penetrated by MOTHER FUCKING North Italy!" He kesekesed and jumped around, like the insane hyper albino he was.<p>

Germany was silent for a moment. Then he took the tape and ran to his bedroom.

Prussia stood their for a moment, surprised at his reaction, that he just stood ther for a moment. Then He went up to Germany's bedroom, where he heard familiar noises coming from a TV and some German cuss words.

YUP, GERMANY WAS MASTERBATING TO THE ITALIENS GETTING IT ON.

Of course Prussia joined him, and it eventually turned into Germancest.

Russia just sat at his house, singing the trololo song in his deep, handsome voice, plotting to invade ALL the countries. Poland just modeled dresses for Lithuania. Finland continued raping Sweden. AND NOT A FUCK WAS GIVEN ABOUT CANADIA.

And Rome farted in his diaper.

Have fun fapping to this!

lol wut, you mad, bro?


	2. SEAHORSES

*** Thank you guys so much for reading. The more reviews I get, the more chapters I shall put! Special thanks to my PC Tay for helping me with the plotline of this chapter!~ ***

_

"LIEEEETTTT!" her I mean his voice rang thoughout the pink haus. The polish man tossed his long blonde hair as he stared intently into the mirror. He was currently wearing a green dress, complete with a corset underneath, with white bows. BECAUSE WHAT IS GAY RELATIONSHIPS WITHOUT A MAN THAT ACTS AND LOOKS LIKE A WOMAN.

ANYWAY, Felik's man slave I mean boyfriend, was currently downstairs, cleaning, because he did nothing but clean and shake all the time. Shake when Russia was talking to him, shake when he went to go pick up Poland's dry cleaning, shake when Estonia was trying to show him minecraft. He just shook all the freaking time!

Not that Poland was complaining. He managed to get him to stop shaking long enough for some freaking sex, GOSH!

Lovino walked though the front door, like a NINJA. Haha, Im just kidding, he smashed in the door, because he is DESU BITCH ASS and is stomping all over your ass at night.

He walked in, making lots of noizez, which made Poland and Lithuania flip out. Well, moar like, Liet flipped out, and Poland just flipped his hair like the sassy gay man he was. DESU BITCH ASS stormed up in that pink hause, and came across Poland, who was stairing at himself in the mirror.

"LIEK, WHAT THE FUCK, DESU?11" heshe it asked the South part of Italy.

"Your door was locked." Was the only explanation he offered. CAUSE HE DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DOOR BELLS OR KNOCKING, BIOTCHES.

"Liek, whatever." Poland sighed, at least he was being more considerate then that trololo singing Russian. "Why are you, liek, here, anyway!"

BITCH ASS stood there. "I wish to talk to you, about serious. Seriously seriousness of serious subject. Of course, I am referring to my anatomah. It isn't normal. I had a baby, a few months ago, and I stell haven't found out what the hell is wrong with mah anatomah." He moaned, dropping to the floor dramatically and crawling over to the blonde, latching onto a leg. "I AM NOT A MAN. I AM A SEAHORSE."

"…..HOLY FUCK." Poland's eyes bugged out lek dis O_O

Lithuania, meanwhile, was still shivering at some corner of the house, terrified that Russia had decided to visit. This would be improbable, seeing as Russia was practicing ballet in a bright pink tutu in the comfort of his home.

"DESU, I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WITH THE PROBLEM!" He cried, flailing his arms a little.

They both went to the doctor in secret, and the diagnosis had confirmed their suspicions: THEY WERE BOTH SEAHORSES.

Romano walked home to MOTHER FUCKING North Italy. He wondered how Feliciano would take the news. This meant that Lovino was basically a woman with man parts, which is the dream scenario of weeaboos who obsess over gay couples.

He told Feliciano, and that MOTHER FUCKER just stared at him, and giggled.

BECAUSE HE IS SO FUCKING UNFAZED BECAUSE HE IS A GOD.

And, for no apparent reason, he shoved Romano into the bedroom, cause all this talk about seahorses was making him super horney. And he made him suck his tower of pisa, cause North Italy has that kind of POWERZ over his older brother.

Meanwhile, Poland finally found Lithuania, huddled in some corner of the bathroom.

"I-I-I a-a-a-a-ah, I-Is R-R-R-Russia g-g-g-g-g-g-gone?" He squeaked and whimpered, looking up at Poland like he had just seen a ghost. 

" Russia wuz nevar here, you silly biotch." He said, flipping his hair. "It was just DESU."

"oh. Well, in that case.." Lithuania stood up. "How is your dress fitting you?" He asked with a sweet smile, wanting even more to take it off the Polish man woman person.

"it's fitting me fine. NOW GO TO THE STORE AND GET MORE FUCKING RIBBONS."

thus concludes the second chapter.  
>Lol whut, you mad, bro?<p>

….AWW FUCK I FORGOT, I DIDN'T PUT ENOUGH YAOOIIIZZ IN.

Spain was working out at the gym, stretching his muscles. France had just walked in the door, and he looked around, staring at all the sexy women and men working out, getting all sexy. He promised himself not to get a boner this time, and went over to a treadmill, in front of the stretching area. He gazed upon one of his friends, stretching in a corner, and licked his lips. Spain's ass was looking REAL good in those shorts.

He and France ended up stretching together and talking. Eventually the conversation turned into past relationships, and how long it had been since each of them had fun. Spain was sad, because Romano was with Feliciano, and France didn't want to have sex with that English wanker, even though, deep down, maybe he did.

They were both deprived, it seemed, and decided to hang out around Spain's place after they worked out. Under the Spanish sun, with the aid of some alcohol, they tossed their clothes and started kissing, their lips melting together as they ran their hands all over the other's bare skin. They stopped to move it to the bedroom, then-

AWWW FUCK. DIS BE CUTTING INTO MY TWILIGHT READING TIME. FINISH DIS L8TERZ!


	3. SELF INSERT

***Special thanks to a friend of mine who gave me the idea of seahorses in the last chapter. Well, she didn't change nature, she just reported it to someone who had forgotten.  
>And I apologize or bow for the quality of this one, I was even more tired than usual***<p>

HEY YOU GUYS DIS B A READER SELF INSERTER LIKE A DILDOE

YOU PUT THE DILDOE UP THE BUT LIKE YOU WOULD PUT YOURSELF IN THIS FANFICTION.

You are at a bar, and you catch some man's eyez. And there is this guy next to him, who is licking his lips as he puts his arm around the first guy's shoulder. To avoid usin 'guys' again I will tell you know that it is Germany and Prussia.

anywhere, Prussia stops licking his lips and walks over to you, pulling Germany by the collar of his leash. Because you are at a BDMS club all of the suddens. Because I said so.

And then Germany starts acting like a dog around you and rolls raound on the floor like a derp, and you act cool with this, because you are cool with this, and totally don['t think that's weird or socially awkward anyway  
>pluss, you think he's just so sexy of course.<p>

Prussia is all like "KESESKESESKESKEKSJLSKJDFAL" and you are all like "FANGASM" and then conversation goes on until he asks you to come with him to have a fun tiem with him and Germany and your all 'OHHAAAAKKKAAYYY'

Anyway so you go to a private room, and you turn to Germany, who has stopped acting like a dog, and say between your braces: "Oh Germany, your so kawai desu"  
>and then Germany is all "arigatqu gozamazhsu, you are kawaiiest"<p>

Suddenly, a wild ANTI WEEABO Estonia appears.

"THIS ISN'T PROPER ENGLISSHH" He sais with a heavy lisfp. "You were talking English before, and now this is all wrong. " He said, pushing up his glasses and pulling out his computer. "According to myyyy PC, You are speaking broken Japanese!" He said.

And all the sudden, Latvia was on the floor after having had had had too much alkeholic drinks and I'm going to make this up cause I too young to drink n stuffs

Lativa crawls over to them and sits down on Estonio's lap (cause he was sitting duhh) and is all like "h-holy s-s-s-shit you g-guys *hic* I j-just had shit *hug* tons of Vodka, *hic* and *hic* it *hic* was *hic* r-rreally fuck-fucking *hic* good *HICHICHICHICHICHICHICHICHIC*

and histonio trembled in his chair. He hadn't seen Latvia in ages, and he was acting differently. He was getting the shive3rs of bad feels.

Latvia dry humped him a few times before getting up to harass some other country. And all the while, China was like "WTF aru" In the corner.

And then Germany and Prussia and you decide not to get it on because I am a cock bloke

Italy whispers in DESU BITCH ASS Romano's ear when the lights go out "Veehhh let's do it doggie stile vee and go at it like rabbits"

And then BAM Roma has a boner and is now using Feliciano's cum as toothpaste.

And they get it on, and you… are nowhere near to be found because you didn't have enough money to go to Italy, oh boohoo, you whore. 


End file.
